Open communication is a term that is well known, however rarely put into practice by couples. Notwithstanding assumptions about the other being made, tensions are almost always heightened, and nothing gets resolved.
Ideally, we can all be transparent, honest, and have a two-way exchange of information where individuals feel safe sharing ideas, feedback, and concerns without fear of judgement or negative consequences. My Couples Counselling in Hertfordshire practice can help couples to share their feelings in a safe space that’s professionally facilitated by myself.
Throughout my 24 years of practice, I have observed some common miscommunications between couples. One of the most common dynamics is that one person is open to ‘talking it through’ but the other person is avoidant due to different attachment styles. The more one pushes to communicate about a particular contentious issue, the more the other pulls away for fear of confrontation. I’ve always made the distinction between being confrontational and confronting issues. This is the key to understanding the benefits of being open and honest with how one feels about any given situation. Instead of suppressing feelings that can build up over time, it’s much healthier to express to the other so that assumptions are not being made.
I can help you both to gain a clearer perspective on any given situation that needs discussing. I should also mention that we all change over time. Part of open communication is the ability to express the changes that we are experiencing in ourselves that are imperative to sustaining a long term committed relationship.
Expectations of our partners can become sub conscious over the years. These expectations may be outmoded due to external changes in our lives. For example, a growing family and having to juggle a career at the same time, can be very stressful at times. We change as people and this is where openly communicating with our partners is a critical factor in remaining present in the relationship.
Here are some of the factors in miscommunication between couples:
- Unconscious beliefs and unresolved issues from childhood are transferred onto your partner
- Extended family issues that can have an impact on your relationship
- Addiction
- Neglect of the relationship by taking each other for granted
- Misunderstandings portrayed by having little or no clarity about something
The above list isn’t exhaustive. There can be an array of causes of misunderstanding between two people.
When a misunderstanding happens, one of the first things to do is to try and understand the situation. You might need to take some steps backward to understand better what is going on. It will be easy to take the right steps when you understand the situation. Many couples experience unresolvable conflicts because they are not patient enough to figure out the root cause of the misunderstanding.
If you feel that you have reached the point of needing professional help with communication breakdown in your relationship, please contact me at Penny Glazebrook Counselling and Psychotherapy today. I offer a free 30-minute telephone consultation. We can discuss your needs and schedule some sessions thereafter.
