Disappointment and the Psychology of Wellbeing in Relationships

The emotional foundation of disappointment is sadness and the depth to which we experience disappointment is the difference between our expectations and reality.  My 23 years of counselling and psychotherapy practice has taught me that one of the over-arching themes of couple relationship breakdown is caused by disappointment.  We have all heard the phrase “disappointment in love”.  But what does that actually mean?  It means that we don’t always live up to each other’s expectations of one another.  This can be an Achilles heel for the well-being of a significant relationship.

Significant Relationships

Significant relationships can change our way of thinking and feeling over time.  One would hope for the better.  But there are no guarantees.  Unless the relationship is open and communicative, there is a real chance that the relationship will fall into a decline.  As part of my practice in couples counselling in Hertfordshire, I can help you to explore why you were attracted to each other in the first instance.  Those attractive qualities that may have faded into the distance over time due to daily stressors and responsibilities, a growing family, changes in careers and more.

Mutual Understanding

In order to offset becoming disappointed in our relationships we need to have the courage to speak up.  In order to do so, we need clear boundaries within ourselves.  What are our expectations of ourselves?  If we are not sure of our individual boundaries, we cannot expect others to meet our true needs.  Blame shifting and projections are the most common outcome between couples.  I can help identify your expectations and the psychology of their origins using a blend of psychology, psychodynamics (including childhood upbringing) cognitive core beliefs and person-centred approach. 

Re-evaluation of Expectations

I would always recommend checking in with your partner over the course of your relationship.  Not unlike going for a physical with your health insurer, it makes sense to re-evaluate the health of your relationship.  I can help you to look at the overall picture of your relationship and shine a light on particular facets that need attending to with an experienced objective eye for detail. 

Realistic Objectives and Outcomes

All relationships should have realistic objectives.   If these objectives are not realistic, professional couples counselling in Hertfordshire can aid greater understanding and can facilitate agreed new outcomes for the future where assumptions are identified and banished without resentment.  Understanding and compromise is essential in any significant relationship.  Sometimes we get stuck in a rut.  Habitual patterns of thinking can be a real obstacle to growth, both on an individual level and as a couple.  Couple dynamics can be changed for the better with enough professional guidance.

If you feel that you may benefit from an overall evaluation of your relationship and need to stave off continuing disappointment in each other.  Please contact me today at Penny Glazebrook Counselling and Psychotherapy and make a real difference for your future together.